Thoughts, What Dreams May Come

Where Is God In All Of This?

My husband thinks I’m crazy but I’m not the one who married me.

Jahan and I are a product of a childhood crush, a lifelong friendship, and a Las Vegas wedding. We managed a long distance relationship (1998-2004) that lasted just before cheap long distance, high speed internet and facetime became normal. We’ve been ride or die, thick and thin and everything in between.

Our bond has always been strong enough to withstand anything.

We’ve been so secure in our commitment to each other that there was a time I vehemently opposed the need for another church wedding. My first marriage was in a Catholic church and it failed miserably. I then had to endure a long and painful, Catholic process of getting it annulled. The whole ordeal was just so taxing. I never wanted to admit it, but maybe a part of me was always a little worried about “jinxing” the life that I carefully rebuilt.

The greatest blessings in my life are my children. Fortune, faith and promise start and end with them.

Adrian and Ayin are the only 2 reasons I don’t regret my first marriage. All my children make everything I do make sense. That’s probably why I suddenly started re-evaluating my Catholic life at Alexander’s first communion ceremony. I suddenly felt a nagging void. I even found myself crying like a small child because I couldn’t join the line. Unfortunately, my religion’s dogma wouldn’t allow me to receive communion because of how my practice marriage ended and how my real one begun.

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But, renovating still increases the value.

One day last November, while I was checking our parish church’s mass schedule, I started reading about the Sacrament of Marriage and this caught my attention: If you are married outside of the Catholic Church, you cannot receive the Eucharist until your marriage has been validated (sacramentalized) by the deacon or priest. Validation for those married for the first time to each other outside of the Catholic Church is a simple and quiet ceremony.

Please see the priest to have a non-sacramental marriage validated.

I called the parish office and explained everything. Then I called Jahan to tell him what I learned and ask him if he would do it. He immediately said yes. A couple of nights later, our (awesome) parish priest,Father Keith, called and scheduled a meeting with us. We found ourselves at church on a wintery Thursday night with Alexander. He was totally confused when we first arrived but as soon as we explained why we were there, his eyes got real big.

“You’re finally making it official!” he said.

He understood the situation immediately. In that instance, Catholic school paid off. We had less than a month to plan our newest wedding but, having slogged through such a long and shitty year, it felt great to finally have something to genuinely look forward to.

My first dance with Jahan.

Hugs and music are everything.

On Thursday, December 8, 2016, on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, in a church named St. Bernadette (the coincidence of the time and place has a cool story too, but I’ll save that for later) we had an intimate ceremony in front of our intimate family. Nothing grand, nothing fancy, just perfect. I had communion for the first time in forever and I’ll always look back on that time with a smile.

I get to join the line again…till death do us part.



  1. Cathy S.

    January 13, 2017 at 9:20 pm

    Congrats lovebirds…now I have to think about OURS

    1. Ailene Carluen

      January 16, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Call your parish church and ask about convalidation ceremony.

Leave a Reply